If you’re a typical member of our society, then the fact that you are stuck with a stranger on a ski lift should already be frightening.
So let’s indulge in our fears for a few moments…and delve into the horrors of this unique type of interaction.
The most hideous part about the awkward ride with a stranger is that, once you are up there, your fate is sealed and there is no escaping the events that are about to take place.
Maybe you’ve already experienced some of the scenarios that are about to be described, or perhaps you are just one of those people that like to prepare yourself for the worst. In either case, these 5 moments should be avoided at all costs -- And may warrant making the 30 foot jump out of the chair when you will inevitably break both your legs and left pinkie finger.
1) Chair Mishaps
Whether you are with a stranger or not, there are all sorts of little mishaps that can take place with your chair or the machinery running the lift. Some of them are annoying and others are quite terrifying.
Seriously, have heard about the upside-down and pants-less dude hanging from his chair for 15 minutes? If not, check it out here.
Aside from freak accidents like the one above, there are a couple of things that come to mind when thinking about sitting with strangers on a ski lift.
The first is the getting slammed with the pull-down bar as your companion jerks it onto your head without warning – if this hasn’t happened to you already just wait for it.
The second is that moment when you realize that your 15-minute ride with the yappy weirdo next to you is going to drag out for an hour or longer while you dangle in the wind. This could be due to some mechanical issue or a demented ski lift operator but either way, you are doomed to tough it out and try not to bludgeon them with your ski poles.
2) Reconnecting with Old “Friends”
After you’ve bundled yourself up in all your ski gear, your best friend may not be able to recognize you.
This can lead to some fun situations when you end up sitting next to a supposed stranger on the ski lift.
Picture this: you begin to relax after the initial awkward silence fades away and you engage in a slow but easy conversation with your chair partner. And then you hear it – the all-too-familiar but unmistakable snorting squeal of your ex-girlfriend.
Your crazy ex-girlfriend.
The one who tried to run you over with her car as you were walking out of your neighborhood Taco Bell.
Try to disguise your voice as you enjoy the next 20 minutes :)
3) When Your Skis Feel Violated
It’s one thing if your neighbor accidentally knocks their skis into yours -- If they do it more than once it can be a bit of an annoyance.
But it’s an entirely different story when they intentionally make contact with your beloved skis.
Some people may just tap them to the beat of the song they are listening to as they sing along. Others might rest the weight of their closest leg on top of your ski so that you’re lopsided and straining to support their thunder thighs.
And then there are those that creepily caress your skis with theirs as they give you a longing sideways glance.
If you’ve been around long enough you already know that many ski accidents are not really “accidents.”
4) The Premature Invitation
While dating opportunities are often found through shared hobbies, cornering some poor soul that is stuck with you on the ski lift is really not the best approach.
ESPECIALLY if you do it within the first minute of your ride.
For the love of all that is good and holy, do yourself a favor and wait to be rejected toward the end of your interaction when you can both hop off and gracefully ski in opposite directions.
Besides, do you really know what’s under all of that ski gear? Are you willing to take the risk and find out?
5) When Your Earbuds Don’t Save You
The universal sign of a ski lift companion that is not up for talking is the obvious placement of their earbuds in their ears as they turn up their music.
Most people understand and will leave you alone after they exchange a brief smile.
But then there are those special folk…those that will stop at nothing to yammer away while they have you trapped up in the air with them.
They might just start chattering as you sit next to them even though you offer no visible response. They may poke your jacket to get your attention – or they might even attempt to pull out of one of your earbuds.
Depending on their chosen topic of conversation, it could be a wise choice to begin screaming nonsensical gibberish as you slide as far back into your corner of the chair as you can.
Have you heard of or experienced any ski lift horror stories? If so, we would love to hear about them in the comments section.